It’s quite late on Thursday night as I write this, later than I’d like it to be. I’ll usually start writing a column in my head in the days leading up to when I get a chance to sit down in front of the keyboard but it’s been a busy week so I’m coming at this a little more sideways than usual.
Truth be told, I had thought of doing a copy & paste of my Yolopark Megatron column from two months ago and just changing every instance of “Megatron” to “Optimus Prime” to meet the necessary SEO word count for one of these columns. I mean, it would still all be basically true, right?
Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared Phunny Green Duck Plush by Kid Robot
If you’re not already familiar with Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared, I don’t know what to tell you…now that’s a hell of an opener, isn’t it?
Long, and very publicly, have I lamented how bored I am of today’s media content. Content is just grist for the mill these days and it’s grist that I gladly consume to distract myself from the horrors of existence. If I can pop on whatever nonsense Marvel or Star Wars content Disney has pushed out this quarter I will watch it, my brain will cough, sputter, and give me some of that sweet, sweet dopamine. I enjoy it because it makes me feel good and it’s a simple as that.
Call me greedy but I want more out of what I consume in my leisure time. If being a Ravenclaw works for you and you’re getting all you need out of it by having successfully separated the artist from that’s great. I love toys, comics, and video games but part of me recognizes that these are hollow pursuits and I desperately wish I could keep that part quiet and just enjoy the cheap thrill that content gives me.
The bold claim could be made that I like things that are challenging but that’s not quite true. I’m sure as soon as I put into to writing that I enjoy challenging art someone would appear asking, “Do you fuck with House of Leaves? Crucifix in a jar of urine? How about performance art in which the artists invites you to hammer tacks into their genitals?”
Everyone has their limits and I suppose I like to be challenged…to a point.
That’s why I’m going to tell you about this Duck.
Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared began life as a surreal, musical horror comedy web series on the YouTube. When I first stumbled across it I was reminded of Wonder Showzen, an old favourite of mine. It’s bizarre and uncomfortable, but the addition of puppets makes it more palatable to someone such as myself who can afford to have existential crises and ennui thanks to my station in life.
Here’s the blurb:
Separate from reality with your favorite Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared character: Duck! With this green mallard by your side, there’s no doubt that every day’s a new surprise! This adorably soft 8-inch Phunny plush by Kidrobot features Duck’s iconic brown blazer, embroidered detailing that mimics his features, and extra fuzzy fur for extra cozy cuddles. He’s the perfect singalong companion!
Art.
Buy this Duck to let the people who visit your home know that you’re into some weird shit.
Transformers Generation One AMK Pro Series Optimus Prime Model Kit
Normally, If I see something that’s an import figure and a model kit I get flashbacks to the last time I dipped my toe into that pool and decide that it’s not for me. But Yolopark’s Optimus Prime from the AMK Pro Series…he’s different.
It’s a model kit in the loosest possible sense of the word. The leg bone connects to the hip bone, the head bone connects to the neck bone, and hear the word of the Lord you’ve got yourself an Autobot. In other words, I’ve finally discovered a “model kit” that’s suited to my limited skillset.
Now would be a good time to talk about non-transforming Transformers.
Since time immemorial (1984), Transformers fans have sought to have animation accurate representations of all their favorite characters. Sure, Optimus Prime turned from a robot into a sweet truck but the robot mode left a bit to be desired insomuch as it only bore a passing resemblance to its TV counterpart.
Over the last forty years the greatest engineering minds have been employed by Takara and Hasbro to make toys that transform from robots to vehicles that not only look like their source material but are ALSO fully posable action figures. It’s legitimately insane the quantum leaps in design the Transformers toys have experienced in the last two decades alone.
Hasbro has even tested out a few non-Transformers over the years. First we got the Actionmasters line at the very end of the G1 era (picture a GI Joe that looks like a Transformer and you’re 90% there) and most recently in 2020 the Transformers R.E.D. line.
While I do have some soft spots for the above-mentioned lines, this Yolopark Optimus Prime is just over twice the price of a R.E.D. figure at $42 USD and with the level of craftsmanship AND accessories it feels illegal.
