Figure Friday: E.A. Henson Blows His Back Out to Bring You a Look at a Definitive Spider-Man

For a couple of glorious days it was full blown spring here in southeast Michigan and I set my sights on doing some yard work to celebrate the occasion. I am many things: writer, newly minted podcast host, bon vivant, and raconteur…but I am not remotely competent at DIY endeavors.

Behind my garage is a bit of a problem area. The previous owners at some point decided it was to be a garden and when they failed at that, they opted to possibly make it into a compost heap or maybe that’s giving them too much credit. The long and the short of it was they started dumping yard waste back there and, over what I assume is many years, it built up. Describing my lot as “postage stamp sized” would be generous and amassing the piles that they did took a special kind of “IDGAF” that I’ve yet to personally attain. 

Further compounding issues was the fact that the area had turned into something of a rat condominium. There are a few restaurants that I don’t live very far from and I can only assume they pop out to raid the dumpsters and return home to the sprawling complex the previous homeowners built for them. The city I live in has a robust pest control initiative and has seeded bait boxes throughout my neighborhood and with that problem solved it was well past time I get to work.

On Saturday I rented a tiller from a hardware store, fixing to bend the land to my will by destroying the mounds of earth and make the shit-hole I live in into more of a shit-home. I arrived at the store at the appointed time, wheeled the tiller to my car, and promptly blew out my back lifting it into the cargo area.

There’s a longer story here about how I should’ve quit then but didn’t and how I mostly accomplished the task at hand when I got the equipment home, and how I subsequently wound up at the urgent care the next day…but this is supposed to be a column about action figures.

So enjoy these two video clips while I tee up this week’s Figure Friday.

Actual footage
I need me an Andrew Garfield…but who doesn’t amirite? Go watch Under the Silver Lake.

Spider-Man: No Way Home S.H.Figuarts Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

For my money, this is one of the best Tobey Maguire Spider-Man figures money can buy and that’s saying something since Toy Biz produced some pretty great ones for Spider-Man 2 about 20 years ago. 

Pizza Time!

I was in college when the first two Raimi Spider-Man flicks hit and it was a HUGE deal considering the only live-action Spider-Man we had up until that point was the 1970s TV show (which I both watched and loved un-ironically as a kid). Just the facts that they got the costume right and that local hero Sam Raimi was directing meant the movie was already a lock for me.

When Spider-Man: No Way Home hit at the end of 2021 it was probably the worst kept secret that Maguire and Andrew Garfield were returning to once again don the webs, but finally seeing them on the big screen was amazing, spectacular, and other adjectives that fully fit. But what of the action figures?

It’s taken nearly a year and a half but I finally got the first of my two preordered Spider-Men and I’m stoked. The Andrew Garfield version is coming later and due to some licensing issues or some such, it won’t come with an unmasked head. Which is fine by me since that dropped the price around $20 and I honestly had no intention of having the figure unmasked on my shelf.

Check out with this figure comes with:

  • Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man figure
  • 5 Pairs of optional hands
  • 2 Optional heads
  • Removed mask
  • Web (large)
  • 2 Webs (long)
  • 2 Webs (short)

That’s a lot of stuff! 

I think it’s fair to say that this is a definitive edition of the character, which is what I was after. I was ever so slightly bummed out that the left leg on mine was exceedingly loose and returning the figure to the online retailer from which it came was not an option as they only accept returns on figures that are legitimately broken.

However, this did give me a chance to employ a pro-tip as relayed to me by Figure Friday co-writer Josh Wallen. The trick is to apply a small amount of Floor Luster (the stuff you use to shine hardwood floors) to the affected areas with a syringe and BAM…no more loose joints.

Many months or possibly even years ago we met up and he imparted to me some syringes and a vial of the cloudy liquid and the only thing that could have made the exchange look worse would be if it was taking place in a parking lot. Which it was. 

At any rate, I set to work on the figure dropping a small amount of the miracle fluid into the joint and letting it set for a bit. I’m pleased to say that it TOTALLY WORKED and now I have a figure that’s not a floppy mess, which considering the price point should’ve never been like that in the first place. 

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the Andrew Garfield Spidey arrives in better shape than this one.

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