Remind me never to attend a wedding at the Hotel Cortez. The Countess keeps her lovers rotating faster than a revolving door. On last week’s episode of American Horror Story, Mr. Drake never made it to the honeymoon after meeting his new step-son, Bart. It was not a Brady Bunch moment. While Alex asks John for help, Iris and Liz make plans to check out of the hotel. Do they? Meet me after the jump.
With all the crazy shenanigans going on with the Countess and John, we’ve put aside the pain that Liz is dealing with. Liz truly loved Tristan (Fin Wittrock) although I’m still trying to figure out what Liz found lovable in that self-absorbed model, but the heart wants what the heart wants and Liz and Tristan were in love until the Countess stepped in.
I hadn’t realized that there were so many guests at the hotel, but the one that touches Liz the most is the old couple who check in only to check out together for eternity. This couple lived a long happy life with many children and many more grandchildren, but the wife is sick and the husband dreads what little life he has remaining without her. Liz is so upset over Tristan’s death that he’s ready to use the still smoking gun of the elderly couple on himself. Luckily for us, Iris stops him. She wants to cancel her magazine subscriptions and he wants to see his now grown son, Douglas, one more time, before they end it all.
If Liz is worried about Douglas’s reaction to his new persona, Miss Evers doesn’t make it any easier. She is convinced that Douglas will react badly to his dad’s life choice. Maybe that was true when Miss Evers was alive, but today we are more aware and more understanding that there is so much more than just male and female.
I have a niece who knew as young as five years old, that she was really male. It was hard for her during her teenage years to identify with the other children. She went through a period where she dated girls, but she was still finding herself. She went away to college and I hadn’t seen or heard from her for a while until she called, out of the blue, to meet for lunch. You can imagine my surprise when a handsome young man met me in the restaurant. He is happy for the first time in his life and, I am happy for him because I love the kid.
Just recently, Olympic Gold Medal winner, Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner. His explanation was simple, “I have the soul of a woman.” Caitlyn’s family and most of the world accepted his life change, but Liz has not seen his son for 31 years. Will Douglas be as open minded? Miss Evers sets up the meeting between father and son and her reward is a bottle of detergent to make her bloody sheets whiter than white. You gotta love this show. There is always enough humor to help you digest the gore.
Speaking of gore, Mr. March settles his disagreement with the contractor in a rather brutal way. John walks in as the contractor becomes a crispy critter, but he does nothing to stop it. I’ve had a hard time with Wes Bentley’s character this season. Nothing against Mr. Bentley, who is a talented actor, but his character has no redeeming qualities to make us care about what happens to him.
John is a serial killer who only has one more specimen to collect to complete the trophy room. Sally loves him, but Alex needs his help. Someone has to get little Max and his teeny bopper vampire posse under control. I’m surprised that the kids are having such a hard time surviving. Why are they getting sick if they’re drinking blood? Aren’t they immortal? After John and Alex lock Max and the other kids up with a hungry Ramona, They grab Holden and walk out of the hotel, leaving Sally screaming after him.
I absolutely love when Denis O’Hare and Kathy Bates are in a scene together. They’ve made Miss Evers happy with a brand new washer and dryer to clean all those bloody sheets. Can you imagine spending eternity washing sheets by hand? That’s hell, baby! Liz gets a surprise when Douglas not only accepts him, but invites Liz to be part of his life. Iris, on the other hand, has everything prepared for the double suicide. She’s even making a memorial of her life on Instagram for all three of her followers. Liz has a better idea.
The Countess is famous for loving, then leaving her suitors, male and female, heartbroken and abandoned. But there is one man that she loved and would have spent eternity with. Valentino is alive, but so is Natacha Rambova. No one who dies at the hotel stays dead, so why did the Countess kill Will Drake at the Cortez? Didn’t she realize that Drake would come back. He’s pretty pissed off with his new bride, but the Countess uses his son as a bargaining tool.
Things are changing at the Cortez. No one is following the rules. When Valentino pulls out his sword, Donavan does the old Indiana Jones routine and kills him with his gun. Fin Wittrock had the honor of dying twice in one season, but maybe he’ll come back as someone new. With Valentino and Natacha gone, Donavan has the Countess all to himself…until Liz and Iris enter with guns blazing.
Are they dead? Will Liz and Iris take over the Cortez? We’ll have to wait until January 6th to find out. Have a Happy New Year, but don’t celebrate it at the Cortez!