Avengers Assemble – They Show Up, Something Explodes

Superheroes are a ridiculous bunch, but damn it, they’re entertaining. Where else can you find a bunch of grown men and women running around in some of the most ridiculous outfits you have ever seen (most of which would cause the judge of the most outlandish and bizarre drag-show you’ve ever thought of stand up and leave the room, giggling) rescuing us mere mortals from the enslavement of some slime-beast/alien/horde/robot/equally-hilariously-dressed-supervillain-whose-only-distinguishing-features-are-a-goatee-and-differently-coloured-codpiece? But, man, the explosions.

Stuff blows up in superhero stories, and it blows up a lot. Taking the Marvel universe as an example, as it is the glossy-page home of The Avengers, New York has suffered more explosions than one dares to consider. See my previous taxonomy: they’ve all, in one form or another, attacked (ok, decimated) New York City. It’s amazing the entire city didn’t just up and leave after the first attack of Mole-Man in The Fantastic Four.

And therein lies the rub: no matter what beasties or megalomaniacs lay siege to arguably the greatest city on earth, enter our spandex-wearing saviours! There’s the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, and, of course, The Avengers: the super-group of the Marvel universe, the boys and girls who will get it done, the JLA-rip-off of Marvel (yes, I know you can argue who came first, but come on, JLA has Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman – I don’t see Wasp competing!).

Yes, I’m looking forward to the upcoming Joss Whedon-explosion-fest coming out this Friday. This time New York will be destroyed by a Norse god, and whoever doesn’t think that’s just bloody awesome needs to get their head checked. We’ve also got what’s pretty close to the original line-up of the comic The Avengers, including Captain America, the Hulk, and Iron Man (who needs Ant-Man, I ask you?). Forgetting for a moment that all previous attempts at the Hulk were beyond lame, Captain America: The First Avenger, Iron Man, and Thor were all solid films: lots of heroes, lots of spandex, lots of explosions. This film strikes me as a strong possible successor to the best of all of the previous films, and now we get to see more stuff blow up!

That’s what I want: carnage. Explosions. Stuff blowing up. More stuff blowing up. Hell, Loki can blow up the whole world, because we know The Avengers are going to smack him back, horned helmet and all, to the nether regions of Hel by the end of the film. And there better bloody well be some loud rock music in the background.

Oh, and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury? Please, please, please let him say “What does Tony Stark look like? Does he look like a bitch? Then why you tryin’ to fuck him like one, Cap’n?” (ok, don’t – that would scar me for life)

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