After watching The Twilight Saga: New Moon I can now confirm that I am on neither Team Edward or Team Jacob. I am on “Team I Can’t Believe I Paid Money For This Movie”. 2 hours of my life down the drain – unbelievable.
A couple weeks ago I wrote about my undeniable interest in the first Twilight film and how somehow it continued to suck me. I even admitted my plans on seeing the second film in the theatres, unlike the first, which I first experienced on DVD months ago. So this past weekend the Queen and I and her visiting friend made our way to the check out New Moon.
I wasn’t optimistic. The reviews for New Moon have been absolutely dreadful. Mind you, I wasn’t expecting some work of art or anything – the franchise doesn’t lend itself to that. I was just hoping it would be better than the first film.
Nope. Hardly close. But I will get the good out of the way. The special effects in New Moon are definitely better than Twilight. The wolves look pretty cool, and there is some great scenery to look at. Dakota Fanning, a child actress I firmly believe has some talent, has a relatively quick cameo as a badass vampire named Jane and acquits herself well enough. New Moon also introduces us to the Voltari, who rule the vampires and are kind of cool, though far from an original idea.
That’s it. As far as I’m concerned the rest of New Moon is freakin’ awful. Kristen Stewart is remarkably wooden as Bella Swan (zero development from the first film), as is Robert Pattinson, when he’s onscreen, which actually is much. In fact, Pattinson’s Edward Cullen is missing for more than half the film so whatever chemistry that the two have is rarely seen and when it is, it is literally just more angst. But worse than thoroughly unremarkably performances from the leads is simply the fact that NOTHING HAPPENS. It’s 2 hours of unentertaining angst, between either Bella and Edward or Bella and potential new beau Jacob. Plus, it is still ridiculous that these vampires are all shimmery in the sunlight. Sunlight kills vampires. That’s how it should be. I can’t bend on this.
I wasn’t expecting much from New Moon but amazingly, it still managed to underwhelm. I’m pretty certain I won’t be watching this film ever again.
Though sadly, I do believe I’ll wind up at The Twilight Saga: Eclipse when it hits theaters in 2010. I guess I’m a masochist that way.