31 Days of Horror 2013: American Horror Story S03 E03: The Replacements


Holy Body Parts! Where’s Igor when you need him? Intent on righting a wrong, Madison helps Zoe rebuild Kyle from the pile of body parts left at the morgue. Can everybody say “Frankenkyle”? Will Kyle like his new body? Only if Misty Day can do some magic with those ugly stitches. Yes, my little witchy poos, there’s lots of magic in New Orleans. But how did Fiona become the Supreme? Grab your brooms and meet me after the jump because it’s not a good night for the ladies.


Our Supreme witch, Fiona has a dark soul and a darker past. Not satisfied with waiting her turn, Fiona wrenched the title from the former Supreme, but there was a witness. Don’t you worry your little heads, my little witchy-poos; all is well. Spalding won’t be ratting out Fiona; cat’s got his tongue. Fiona, who is obsessed with her looks, is not a happy woman. She’s not attracting the men like she did before and goes to visit a plastic surgeon. There’s only such much medical science can so; sorry Fiona. Jessica Lange is amazing. You want to hate her, but she’s so good at being bad.


Delphine is a racist, who is lost in the present time and doesn’t know squat about equal rights or the 14th amendment, and on top of that; mistreats Queenie. Fiona may be a bitch, but she’s not a racist and forces Delphine to don a maid’s outfit and serve Queenie. Score a point for Fiona.  Later, Queenie and Delphine are frightened by a Minotaur who’s come to settle a score with Delphine. Queenie confronts the Minotaur, but that’s all I’m going to say; watch the show.


Boy Toys

Zoe is feeling guilty because of Kyle’s present condition and decides to visit Kyle’s mom. Alicia (Mare Winningham) tells the innocent Zoe how much she misses her son. Thinking she’s doing the right thing, Zoe takes Kyle away from Misty (the Stevie Nicks clone), and sends him back to mother. Misty is upset! She healed Kyle and now he’s gone, and we learn that maybe Kyle was better off dead.

New neighbors move next door and both Nan and Madison notice the good looking, shirtless, Luke Ramsey (Alexander Dreymon) the new boy toy. We get a bit of back history on Nan, but in my opinion; not enough. She’s very successful with the boys and Madison is shocked when Luke only has eyes for Nan. Joan Ramsey (Patti Lupone), who is a bible thumping control freak, throws the girls out. Madison doesn’t go quietly. The addition of a “better than thou” next door neighbor will probably lead to some funny scenes especially between Joan and Fiona. I’m looking forward to learning more about Nan’s backstory.


Cordelia Foxx gets some bad news at the doctor’s office. The magic she and her husband used to get pregnant didn’t work. Cordelia goes to the Voodoo Priestess, Fiona’s enemy for help. News flash, Cordelia! You can adopt. Marie Laveau aka Voodoo Queen sits on a throne made of dead animals. Apparently, they don’t have an Ikea in New Orleans. Because Fiona pissed off Marie Laveau, Cordelia is sent away. I consider Cordelia lucky, especially after glimpsing the voodoo procedure to get pregnant.

Conclusion and Big Fat Spoiler

Although Kathy Bates plays Delphine LaLaurie in “American Horror Story,” she’s more like Annie Wilkes in Misery. I have the feeling that she’s biding her time until she can overthrow Fiona. Madison didn’t fare well in this episode, but no one does when Fiona sets her sights on a prize. Kyle escapes his mother’s abuse the only way he can and Spalding has to bury a rug. But, my little witches, nothing ever stays dead in New Orleans. Some scenes were rough to watch tonight, but as always, the cast and script did not disappoint.

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