Biff Bam Pop’s Favourite Couples – Jabba and Salacious B.

Love sees no colour, no shape and no size. There are also times when it sees no need, no reason…and no species!

So, what do you get when you cross a malevolent, spiteful, uncaring, chain-smoking, quadruple-chinned, tub-o-lard gangster with a pint-sized, conniving, cruel, beak-nosed, cackling court jester?

You get the oddest friggin’ bromance in any galaxy, let alone one far, far away!

Everybody knows about Jabba the Hutt, feared crime lord of the Outer Rim Territories, running his empire of spice-smuggling, gun-running, piracy and slavery from his desert palace on Tatooine. But not many know of his buddy paramour, the lively critter with the west coast rapper label, Salacious B. Crumb.

Yes, even bad boys can find true love.

Salacious, if you didn’t know, is a Kowakian monkey-lizard. He left his jungle planet (aptly named Kowak, naturally) looking for mischievous adventure. He found it on Kwenn Space Station in the Mid Rim, before permanently taking refuge on a Hutt owned starship. It was there that Jabba spared the little rascal’s life, offering him employ as a court jester where Salacious was ordered to make the mobster laugh at least once a day. If not, the furry-necked reptilian would be deposited into Jabba’s wide, salivating maw, devoured and then digested inside the slug’s oversized gullet.

What a deal!

And so began a love affair like no other, ruled and shared by cruelty, fear and an exacting sense of schadenfreude.  They “get” each other. Salacious and Jabba are inseparable.

The imp is seen beside the Hutt at all hours, never straying far from his slug’s long, fat, tail. And oh how he makes Jabba laugh! Whether it’s pulling the switch for the trapdoor pit under unsuspecting feet, or pecking out the eye gears and transistor wires of protocol droids, a hearty, deep laugh can always be heard throughout the palace. Then again, maybe it’s Salacious’ peculiar and shrill laugh that enamors Jabba so much.

That’s the give. But what of the take?

Fated to be together until the end, lest the Dune Sea swallow them before their time, Jabba offers Salacious every opportunity to inflict a nasty sense of humour on other beings. He feeds the little Kowakian and keeps him warm and close – there’s definitely a mutual adoration between the two. And then there’s the slithering of that lascivious tail! Who could resist! Why, given the choice of a nearly nude, beautiful slave princess, Salacious B. Crumb would pick the most pungent of tails every time!

Don’t believe me? Watch the video below and see what catches this monkey-lizard’s eye!

Ah, cupid! You know not where your arrow lands!

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