Biff Bam Live! Andy B live blogs the Season Premier of Jon and Kate Plus Eight

Well, I’m on my own tonight. The Queen is out for dinner, and I’m itching to see what happens on Jon and Kate Plus Eight. No, I’m not joking. I want to see how Jon and Kate address their marital issues. So on that note, consider this the first attempt at live blogging on Biff Bam Pop! (if it fails, I have no one to blame but myself).

9:00pm – The show has started with the usual happiness, but within 30 seconds the two are talking about their problems. Kate is crying: “we’ve turned into two different people”. Wow, no happy intro.

9:01pm – There’s footage of photogs chasing after all of them. What a life it’s got to be for these guys. In the meantime, it’s a new set. Jon: “I never read a tabloid magazine until I was in one.”

9:02pm – Jon: “I’ve never cheated on Kate.” Kate: “Just the allegations make me furious.” I think I kind of buy into Jon. I don’t think he was running around on Kate. What do I know though? To be honest, I can’t believe that I’m writing this. Even worse, I can’t believe I’m so genuinely interested. Ouch! Kate says Jon resents his duties and is angry that he’s stuck at home.

9:06pm – Man, who would put their marital woes on television??? How can people maintain a marriage in front of the public eye? Kate keeps going on about Jon’s poor decisions.

It’s a commercial break and I’m feeling disgusting watching this. This show used to be so light, but now it’s become stock reality tv. You put yourself in front of the cameras, what do you expect to happen?

9:11pm – At the least the kids look happy. The gang is getting ready for their 5th birthday party. Kate is sitting on the couch on her own. So far no interaction between either of them. This show is not a fun watching experience at all.

9:15pm – One of the kids, I think it was Aiden, just called another one a “pooper weiner“. Awesome.

9:17pm – Aww, Colin is crying because his balloon blew away. What the hell am I doing??

9:20pm – The problem with this live blogging deal is that you have to sit through all the commercials. Booooo! And this new Eddie Murphy movie looks like crap.

9:22pm – Footage of Kate’s book tour. I don’t know man, isn’t this how it all gets started? Branching out so much? Why not just be a family? Ouch. Kate calls Jon’s behaviour “erratic”.

9:30pm – Ooo, the kids are going to have a pinata at their birthday party! More importantly, did I spell pinata properly?

9:32pm – This is one of the more tedious exercises I’ve taken part in.

9:37pm – Sorry, computer crashed. Here’s what you missed – sweet F.A.

9:40pm – And its the big party! From the mouths of babes – “the pinata!” Thank goodness the kids are still cute, with funny personalities. Man, listening to Jon and Kate talk, it just sounds so disingenuous. Jon – “I drove separately”.

9:43pm – Now we’ve got interaction between the two happening and it is not pretty at all. They walk right past one another, they hardly speak. Though it must be pretty annoying to have all the photographers following them.

9:46pm – Ok, Jon is with one of the girls. It’s a little sad, this part – “Daddy, I don’t want you to leave anymore.” I’m getting faklempt.

9:47pm – I will not be live blogging Cake Boss.

9:51pm – They have hired a magician for the birthday party. This is must see tv. Family picture – Kate: “Jon, take your sunglasses off please”.

9:54pm – I have to admit, the kid’s birthday cake looks frakin delicious.

9:56pm – I have to admit, those pinata’s look frakin delicious.

10:00pm – The end of the party. Pretty heartwarming, actually. Lots of thank you’s and I loves you. OMG – now, so crazy ass cheesy montage to a birthday song. Groan.

10:01pm – Ummm, I thought this was only supposed to be an hour.

10:02pm – The two of them on the couch, coming up after a word from Triscuits.

10:06pm – Here we go. What’s their status? Jon: “I don’t know.” The body language on the couch is harsh. They do not like one another right now, that’s for damn sure.

10:08pm – Jon: “I’m here for my kids”. Man, this is the worst. Why do this to yourself. Kate: “this could be our last family picture”. Dudes, stop your show, get some counselling. Kate – “Parents of multiples have triple the divorce rate. I thought we would beat that. i don’t know if I can say that anymore.”

10:11pm – Family cookout. leave us with a sense of optimism. Is it staged or is it staged? Jon: “just because we’re going in two different directions doesn’t mean our kids have to.”

10:13pm – well, we made it. Our first Biff Bam Pop! live blog. I can safely say I never thought I’d be doing this with Jon and Kate. Hope you get a kick out of it. Next week, we live blog What Not To Wear…

I kid.

13 Replies to “Biff Bam Live! Andy B live blogs the Season Premier of Jon and Kate Plus Eight”

  1. This is awesome, Andy. I’m watching this train wreck, too. I can’t help myself. I almost feel sorry for them, but then I keep thinking of the Dionne quintuplets. And they did make the choice to air all this stuff. No one’s forcing them. But I do feel so for the kids. They don’t get a choice in this.

    At the same time, it is hard to watch. Worse than reality TV, imho. More like being out with another couple and watching them fight in front of you. Awkward and sad.

  2. 9:43 pm – Wow, they’re both at the party… and totally ignoring each other! Cue the audience: Ooooooooooooooh!!!!

  3. 9:45 pm – Kate just noticed the paparazzi staking out the party on the other side of the river. Welcome to the rest of your lives, guys. Jon and Kate + 8 + all the paparazzi on the planet. On TLC.

  4. “9:47pm – I will not be live blogging Cake Boss.”

    roflmao!

    I think we have to add these live blogcasts to the site as a regular feature. This is too much fun.

  5. 9:56 pm – One of the pinatas looks a bit like Jon.

    And here comes Kate! She’s got a bat with a nail through it! On TLC!

  6. I think Kate should have given each of her kids a bat and told them the paparazzi were the pinatas.

  7. 10:07 pm – Wow, Kate says she’s absolutely committed to everything to do with the kids. That pretty much says it all, eh, Jon?

  8. 10:08 pm – “I knew this could be our last family picture…” That’s brutal. I can’t imagine being on TV talking about this stuff.

  9. 10:11 pm – They’ve all but said their relationship is toast and they’re only together for the kids. It happens all the time with couples, no doubt, but not usually on TV in front of millions during prime time.

  10. 10:12 pm – My wife summed up the entire episode perfectly: “I just wanted to hear them say they still love each other… but they never did!”

    Okay, now I need to go take a shower. And tell my wife how much I love her. Off-camera.

  11. I had to work at the office last night in front of the computer and missed “Jon and Somebody Plus Some Others.”

    In terms of on-screen entertainment, I think I got the better deal.

    Still, “Bam Bam Live!” kinda kicks ass.

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