Well, isn’t that convenient! We just finished 31 Days of Horror, and NOW we get a Friday the 13th! Of all the…! Anyway, it’s been a minute since I’ve talked about my favourite line to collect, G.I. Joe Classified! Quite a bit of G.I. Joe stuff has come out in the past few months, so let’s take a look at some things I’ve picked up.
It could be argued that this isn’t a G.I. Joe at all, but I’d like to start with G.I. Joe Classified Series Action Man. As I mentioned some time last month, Action Man started out simply as British Toy Company Palitoy’s rebranding of the original 12” G.I. Joe toy line. The term “G.I.” is distinctly American and was pretty meaningless to the British, so a name change was deemed necessary—and hey, for the world’s first action figure, “Action Man” is pretty straight to the point!
In the 90s, Action Man returned to store shelves, but this time with an “extreme” makeover! Action Man was now refashioned into his own extreme-sporting superspy character, with a small support team all his own! Unfortunately, the team members never showed up when it was decided to also sell the line in American toy stores! The 12” Action Man figures came with an array of snowboards, dirt bikes, rollerblades, parachutes, motorcycles, high-tech weaponry, and a shocking amount of… ninja gear (!?) to aid him and his friends in taking down Dr. X, No-Face, and other supervillains! By the way, in this retro-fueled superhero-dominated age of film, can we get Henry Cavill as Action Man!? This seems like a no-brainer! I know there’s a script out there somewhere. Let’s get on it, Hollywood!
Anyway, G.I. Joe Classified has released a 6” version of Henry Cav—er, Action Man, complete with retro bright orange box! This version is similar to how he generally appeared on the animated series—something you couldn’t find in U.S. toy stores at the time. I really wanted to love this figure—and I don’t hate it—but it should have been so much more, or less!
Action Man was released at a price of $42.99 (USD). For this, you get an extra head, a few extra accessories, and a wider, bright orange box. Other than the heads, the figure features NO new tooling. Not long ago, we’d get a figure together with a fully articulated dog, wolf, or crocodile and unique accessories for the same price. This figure includes a mix of Alpine and Outback’s accessories, leaving Action Man with one of my longtime G.I. Joe pet peeves, a backpack with no straps. Yes, many classic Joes and Cobras have backpacks that appear to be held on by magic, but Action Man being in a navy t-shirt with a light grey backpack makes this even more obvious. He also includes a bright orange molded rope accessory, a reused mold from Alpine and Storm Shadow. However, it doesn’t really fit and stay put like it does on those figures. It slips around so much that I actually put a little mounting putty on it, which does help. Despite what the packaging shows, the rope and backpack don’t work well together. The pack falls off easily. Hasbro considers this a “deluxe” figure, a category of figures which used to run around $35. This usually meant you were getting some unique accessories or new molds (I.E. Kamakura, Sgt. Slaughter, Snowjob, Snow Serpent). This figure boasts 12 accessories, but we’ve seen them ALL before. They’re just orange now.
I kind of knew this figure was a rip-off, just not to what extent. The figure doesn’t suck. It’s a decent representation of the character and it’s got all the articulation we’ve come to love from “America’s (and Britain’s) Mobile Fighting Man,” but the overall value is NOT THERE. It’s fun to have G.I. Joe and Action Man team up–THE WAY GOD (of England) INTENDED–but wait for this to get clearanced at Hasbro Pulse.
So while I’m on the subject of overpriced British agent action figures, I may as well talk about G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Collaborative (GASP!) Lara Croft TOMB RAIDER. Ok, this is a cool figure! I’ve never actually played a Tomb Raider game, but they look cool! I recall liking the movie, even if I don’t remember much of it. The thing is, whether you’re familiar with Tomb Raider or not, Lara Croft is iconic, and this figure does her justice! It is also overpriced at $43-$45, but almost everything on this figure is newly tooled. The heads, the entire body, and almost every accessory are all new! There’s also the matter of licensing fees. Since Tomb Raider is not a Hasbro property, I’d imagine there’s a fee, much like there is with the Star Wars and Marvel Legends lines. If I have one negative thing to say about this figure, I think her biceps could’ve been more defined and just a little bigger. This is a pretty physically active character after all!
In keeping with the G.I. Joe character code name tradition, the file card on the back of the packaging establishes that her code name is “Tomb Raider.” This wasn’t needed at all, but it’s a nice touch and helps to tie the two worlds together. The card back also has a cool holo-foil effect. I’m not sure why they went with that, but it reminds me of all the gimmick comic book covers in the ’90s, so I like it! Speaking of comics, Image/Skybound Comics is currently publishing the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Lara Croft mini-series, which is pretty fun so far! They made Shipwreck her buddy!
As for the load-out, Lara Croft officially includes 16 accessories, but there’s more or less depending on what you consider an accessory. Is anything that removable an accessory? Do accessories with multiple parts count as one item, or the sum of their parts? Lara Croft includes 2 climbing/ice axes (the same ones that come with Action Man),a backpack, a grappling hook with handle and rope (I believe Hasbro is counting this as two items, a recurve bow, arrow, and quiver, dual handguns and of course her belt and holsters, BACKPACK STRAPS (judgemental look), 2 “leather” necklaces, a Duke-esque bandolier strap, 2 fists, a second head with headset mic, and the Dagger of Xian with sheath. Apparently this can turn someone into a dragon if they stab themself, and you stop them by pulling it back out. I feel like whoever forged this weapon didn’t know how daggers are supposed to work, but it certainly looks the part of a rare artifact that would inspire a globe-trotting adventure!
Appealing to two sets of fans, this figure sold out everywhere! If I know Hasbro though, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see them produce more down the road. If nothing else, they’re sure to give us Lara in some of her alternate looks now that they’ve seen how well the figure sold!
I completely forgot this when I started writing, but our third figure, G.I. Joe Classified Mistress Armada, is also a character of English origin! Unlike the previous entries, though, Mistress Armada is solidly part of the G.I. Joe mythos, at least depending on how solidly you define “solidly.” See, Mistress Armada appeared in the G.I. Joe comics published by Devil’s Due, which were written in continuity with the original Marvel run but thrown out of continuity when IDW comics got writer Larry Hama to return to G.I. Joe and continue his Marvel run, picking up right where he left off! Regardless of continuity, Mistress Armada is an awesome character who plotted revenge on Destro before realizing she didn’t have her facts straight and being given a rare second chance by Destro. She then became a leader in Destro’s Iron Grenadiers!
This figure takes Mistress Armada’s look from the comics and turns it up several notches! The skull-shaped knee and elbow pads are a really nice touch, and they armoured her up quite a bit. That said, this must be show armour because it seems the most commonly armoured area is the most exposed here. I’ll leave it at that. This is not a knock against the figure design at all, though, because the Iron Grenadiers are as much about style as they are about armour! Destro, Mistress Armada, the Iron Grenadier troopers- they all carry swords, but how often are they actually going to use them!? They look cool! Other than Metal-Head, maybe, style is a major part of the Iron Grenadier aesthetic, and Mistress Armada probably exemplifies that better than anyone!
Mistress Armada has some cool accessories! She’s got the goggles/communication device she often sported in the comics, the aforementioned sword with sheath, a golden pistol, a splayed wad of cash, and a badass battle helmet–in actuality, an alternate head for the figure–resembling some sort of Greek or Roman goddess.
The goggles don’t fit exactly right. They’re a little small, so the earpiece doesn’t quite fit over the ear as it should. Fortunately, it’s close enough to look good! The cash is interesting. Did Destro send her to purchase some kind of superweapon? Is she trying to bribe some shady government official? Or is she just emulating her favourite ’90s hip-hop for an Instagram post? Who cares!? It’s just cool that this accessory exists! The sword is a little short, but still very cool. The gun is another gun, but the helmet/alternate head is what really puts this figure over the top! It’s flashy, intimidating, and exudes wealth and power, exactly what her boss Destro is all about!
That’s it for now! Come see us again in two weeks! I’ll have plenty to talk about! Thanks!
