Evil Reigns Again – Resident Evil: Retribution Reviewed

No one can argue with the fact that we all want to see Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez in tight black leather, killing things. Going into number five of the Resident Evil franchise we all know that’s what we’re going to get and we’re happy when we get it. The only problem is that when you’ve reached number five in your cash-cow string of action flicks, we’ve pretty much seen the best of everything you have to offer.

Is there anything good about Resident Evil: Retribution? Find out after the jump!

I will admit that there was a rather cool opening sequence of a battle scene shown in reverse, but that would be the only, even remotely, new element that Resident Evil: Retribution brought to the table.  We all know the story of The Umbrella Corporation and its deadly T-virus. Zombie-like creatures are released upon the earth and generations now have unleashed video game hell on the twisted baddies that Capcom brought us all the way back in the dark ages of 1996. The movie franchise follows the premise of the games but Milla Jovovich has become the true powerhouse of the films. There’s not really anything else interesting to watch. We’ve seen the monsters. We’ve seen New York City flooded before. Okay, we get to see zombies killed with a bicycle chain and lock used as a Chinese rope dart, but I could have slept through most of the fight sequences.

Perhaps the writers of the film were trying to get back to the video game roots because the plot feels like a step by step progression from one level to the next; including a boss fight at the end. The entire movie is really not much more than that. Agent Alice (Jovovich) is captured by Umbrella again and she must escape the main hive of the Red Queen (the computer controlling Umbrella) located under the Russian ice. We’re tossed from simulated environment to simulated environment without any real purpose other than to kill zombies in the coolest fashion possible. That is all fine and good when you go to see an action flick, but we’ve seen it all before.  The rest of the plot isn’t even worth mentioning: Alice picks up a kid (an element they feel they need to throw into flagging franchises at the end. Underworld, anyone?) and they all make it out safe to the next plot point that ensures there will be a Resident Evil 6. Great!

According to IMDB, Retribution did an opening weekend of $21,052,227 (USA) as of September 16th, 2012 and a gross of $71,100,000 (Worldwide) as of September 17th, 2012. How this movie made a penny with its stilted dialogue (I laughed out loud at some points) and the most threadbare of plots, is beyond me. Must be the hot chicks in leather.

My advice, save your pennies for the all-female Expendables they’re working on.

3 hot chicks in leather out of 10

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