Holiday Gift Guide 2018: Gifts for Drinkers

While there are certainly people who, for personal reasons, choose not to drink alcohol, the world is filled with others who enjoy it. The imbibing and appreciation of booze is more than a hobby for them. They’re good at it. They’re professionals. If there is someone like this on your gift list, here are some accessories you can hurl their way. They’re all boozy, and that’s good newsie! [Note: consuming alcoholic beverages does not always cause the consumer to rhyme, but maybe.]

For the wine drinker in your life who also loves classic animation, consider this Hakuna Moscato stemless wine glass. They’ll remember all the wonderful Elton John songs from The Lion King and sing them badly at the top of their lungs while using this attractive container. Just think of them, twirling around your living room like Nell dancing through Hill House, cry-screaming “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” That’s what the holidays are all about! Grab the keys to their mini-van and hide them well, so they don’t decide to drive back to their den and confront Scar or something.

Nothing goes with liquor like a huge chunk of wood. That’s the rumour, anyway. It’s easy to combine the two things with a fashionable log dispenser. A bottle of liquor will screw right down into the top, and the booze will come right out of the spigot at the bottom. Nothing screams festivity like a giant log on someone’s bar, and any liquor that tastes like wood is just fine for people who like liquor that tastes like wood! [Note: the log dispenser doesn’t really make the liquor taste like wood, but nobody has to know that except you!]

There’s nothing that irritates serious beer drinkers than accidentally spilling their brew. What a waste! You can momentarily terrify all the brewmasters on your list with this fake beer spill. Imagine placing it on the floor and saying, “Oh, no! What happened?” Then step back as guests point fingers and blame each other for the faux party foul. Maybe they’ll fight. The cops will come, the neighbors will see everything, and your recipient will be the talk of the neighborhood for weeks. That’s status!

Speaking of the police, there’s nothing more nerve-wracking than getting pulled over for a traffic violation. Even if they’re stone cold sober, the person who receives this excellent bar of beer soap is sure to be a big hit with officers all along the roadway. It smells like a fine German beer, so users will smell like a brewery, even if they have consumed nothing but distilled water. What a hoot! The cops will swear they smelled malt and hops, and they won’t be wrong. But it’s just soap! Think of the wacky misadventures that can occur, and isn’t that what the season is all about? [Note: soap does not smell like beer.]

If all else fails, get the alcohol lover on your list the perfect gift: someone to drink with. This drinking bird doesn’t care what gets its beak wet, or who plies it with liquid refreshment. It always comes back for more. As long is it doesn’t get into an imaginary argument with its partner, this drinking bird will be your friend’s wingman for a long time. [Note: bird does not have wings.]


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