It’s Figure Friday and I have returned from my brief sabbatical that I took two weeks ago for…reasons.
If I were to wax philosophic about it, I’d say that I’m a painter of words and my palette is filled with varying shades of the trivial. How could I make dumb jokes about action figures of all things at a time like this? It’s a weird and scary time to be in America and I’m not handling it well at all.
That’s not to say I’ve retreated to my liberal bunker to weep and lick my wounds for the last couple weeks. I’ve never characterized myself as a member of the “tolerant left;” in point of fact I’m pretty damn intolerant. I’ve got a lot of hate inside me for the Boomers that are so far up their own asses with fear and bigotry that they’re prepared to burn the house down and salt the earth. I’m seething at other Gen X-ers too apathetic to vote, or worse making a show of their protest vote because both sides are “equally bad.” Surprisingl,y I’m not too mad at Gen Z because shit rolls downhill and the generations that preceded them let them down by voting against the future at every turn.
Like I said above, a weird and scary time.
I never thought I’d be afraid to be fully myself. I never thought I’d have to endure so much nonsense (for probably the rest of my life) to make sure my sister’s kids have a halfway decent world to grow up in.
It’s also troubling that the incoming head of the FCC was mixed up in Project 2025. That said, before I’m labeled as dissident, I should point out that Biff Bam Pop! is a Canadian website and that E.A. Henson is a fiction, an pen name of BBP! EiC Andy Burns. I mean, the “A” in E.A.” stands for “Andrew”. That’s right, you’d be surprised how many of our writers are just Andy writing under various aliases. That’s right, this is Andrew Burns writing right now and my address is…(Editor’s Note: E.A., see me in my office. Now.)
Before I say a little something about toys, I’ll leave you with a quote. The air on social media has been thick with hyperbole these last couple of weeks. Lots of impassioned pleas for resistance and hope which are more palatable than my own “get mad, stay mad” mantra. Hey, whatever works for you, pal. No, I saw a quote from Spanish poet and playwright, Federico García Lorca that resonated with me:
“I will always be on the side of those who have nothing and who are not even allowed to enjoy the nothing they have in peace.”
And now, the news…
So here’s what tariffs are going to do to the price of action figures…fuck I thought I could get away from it for a goddamn minute.
Much like everything else, toy hunting in Michigan is absolutely shit at the moment. Granted, I’ve been walking around in a daze for the last couple of weeks but I have found myself in a Target or Walmart on occasion. A lot of the time blindly looking for that new Robin figure is the only break I get from the nonstop existential terror.
Plus, when I strike out at finding one again it gives me something more tangible to be pissed off at for a moment. You’ve got to diversify your anger these days, it’s a marathon not a sprint. If you’ve turned your anger into a bottle rocket, you’re going to burn out too quickly and then you’re no good to anybody. You can have a baseline anger, sure, don’t loose focus on the goal but you’ve got to sprinkle in some of life’s annoyances if you want to go the distance.
Anyways, big ups to Josh for turning in a proper toy column last week. Reading it was part of my return to normalcy and a routine. Sometimes you’ve got to look at a giant dragon action figure and go “Damn, that’s pretty cool. Things can still be cool.”
Join me back here next time for my first entry into 2024’s Holiday Gift Guide. I’m hoping it’ll be more about toys and not “Shit, we’re still doing the holidays this year? Ok, I guess”.