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Last week on Saturday At The Movies, our own Andy Burns took a look at G.I. Joe: Retaliation, here‘s what he thought of the film. This week, Emily McGuiness gives her opinion of the flick, movie ratings, the US military, violence, gravity missiles, and Channing Tatum.

I had low expectations for the second movie in the franchise. The first one was charming enough but it didn’t make me want to see the SFX heavy second movie. However Channing Tatum has come up in the world and The Rock is usually pretty entertaining. The movie seemed worth a go, even if I was forced to see it in 3D. Was I pleased?

Overall, I was pleased. They put forth enough of a plot to get me from action scene to action scene. I didn’t need much more than that. There were cool gadgets, hot ladies, hunky guys and plenty of ninja action. How could I ask for more? I wasn’t looking for mind-bending plot twists. *Spoiler* I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a good idea to blow up gravity projected missiles hanging above Earth. Wouldn’t the debris rain down on Earth anyway? Oh, well. There was one cool, unexpected 3D effect in a bullet coming straight at you. Usually those effects are annoying but in this case it did bring you further into the action sequence and made you feel like you were part of the fight. There was some good, some bad. I just wanted punching and fun. That is what I got.

My disappointments included, not enough Channing Tatum. I was promised him as a main character in this movie. *Spoiler* He’s been doing all the press junkets and interviews, like he’s not killed in the first eighth of the movie. We didn’t even get him half dressed. What kind of action movie is this!?

Nudity aside, this movie did bring back the warm and fuzzies for America’s military. A huge part of the appeal of G.I. Joe as we 80’s kids got older was the fact that you could join the military and in theory fight like the Joes did. It’s enough to make even the most hardened cynic patriotic.  The best of America’s military code is shown in the movie: the camaraderie, the tough do-or-die attitude that gets you through any situation, the acceptance of women as equal partners in combat, trusting our President to make moral and clear decisions. Whether these ideals are actually upheld in the political/military arena is an article I won’t attempt. This all culminated in the award ceremony toward the end of the movie. The Joes stand in full dress uniform, awarded medals of honor by their Colonel (Bruce Willis) and the Colonel finally acknowledges Lady Jaye as an equal. Roadblock even received General Patton’s gun in a fraternal promise to make Cobra Commander pay. It stirred my red, white and blue.

There were also a number of children in the theater, which I found interesting. It was PG-13 and these kids were in no way close to 13. People died. Girls got somewhat naked. War was waged in a somewhat fake way. These parents can’t think this was a cartoon. Maybe I’m old and crotchety but this wasn’t a kid’s movie.

Would I go see the next one? Maybe. If they brought Channing Tatum back. I can probably only do one movie of Parkour dude making eyes at Lady Jaye and The Rock being all muscled.

A Solid 5 nostalgic 80’s cartoons out of 10